Listen. If you have doubts about the existence of God, I get it. If you think Christians are hypocrites, I really get it. If you feel better only relying on physical evidence, man, I get it. If you think all religions are a way to control the masses, or feel better about death, or… whatever it is you think, I get it.
I’ve been there, done that.
I was a kid who barely knew of God. Knowledge of God came via my Nana, who sang about some little light of hers, and a man named Jesus loving me, yes she knew. Our family rarely went to church, though there were spurts of church attendance brought about by my mom. I was a teenager that did not ever attend church until my best friend thought it would be a cool place to pick up girls. Yep… we went to church to pick up girls. He quickly found one, and dated her for a couple of years, and I struck out. Technically, I didn’t even make it to the batters box. As a teenager, I wanted to party every chance I had. I started drinking at 15, occasionally smoking pot, and getting as far with a girl as she would let me. My path in college was even more self-centered. I was the center of my universe and I only wanted things that felt good. Girls, alcohol, drugs, food, weight lifting, cigarettes, and knowledge (not everything was bad), were my focuses. I lived for me and me alone. In college, I started to fall into a deep depression. Experimenting with drugs probably had something to do with that depression. I honestly did not correlate it to the above mentioned lifestyle until right this very moment. I was deeply depressed when I was most wild, and least directional with my life. I felt empty all of the time. Nothing filled that void. I thought love would fill it. I gave my heart away and it filled the void partially, but not fully. When I was 19, I was riddled with continual and loud suicidal thoughts. I used to drive to campus every morning, going under an overpass and my thoughts would turn to me intentionally slamming my truck into the pillar of the overpass. I hated myself and didn’t know why. I didn’t know myself. It was bad. Really bad.
In that state of being lost, I was in a relationship with a Christian girl. She wasn’t a crazy bible thumper, but was raised Christian, had a bible with her name on it, and could answer a few questions about her faith. She would bring God up to me, and I rejoiced in telling her how stupid she was for believing in God. Okay… I didn’t call her stupid, I liked her, so what I did do is question her. I questioned her hard, and pushed her hard in all of her beliefs.
SIDE NOTE: I still see this with Atheist. They do all the questioning and pushing while Christians try to justify and win arguments with logic, versus questioning the non-believer right back. Atheist’s rarely answer questions about their beliefs, other than insulting the person, and screaming science from the keyboard mountain top. Again, I did it, and now have it done to me. IRONY!
It bothered me that she believed what she did just because she grew up learning from her parent’s beliefs. It was obvious to me that all Christians her age were forced to hear the brainwashing every Sunday as they grew up and that, that brainwashing worked, and they believed against their will. I didn’t think that her thoughts and beliefs about God were her own. I pushed hard enough to start making her have doubts. It was easy. She had honestly never thought about a lot of the tough answers, which made my brainwashing theory valid in my mind. Needless to say; she did not help my belief in a god. Not only that, but her step-mom was the biggest hypocrite of any Christian I had ever met, and actually did great damage in keeping me away from Church. (I will address this another day, and for the record, I now view this person in a completely different and more understanding light.)
Yet, eventually I was worn down and I did start going to church with my girlfriend. I am sure something was withheld unless I joined her. Plus, what did I have to lose? Any person who has suffered depression, or has swam in a pool of self-hate, knows that you get to those places by spending too much time in your own head. So, in church and out of church I would spend a lot of time in my own head. I tried to think about both sides of the argument, so that my arsenal of attacks was more lethal. I wanted to be able to attack every part of the Christian argument and destroy it for good.
Does anyone find it interesting how hostile some atheists are towards Christianity? I won’t speak for all of them, but for me it was a very simple reason behind my hostility. I hated Christianity because I didn’t want to change. I didn’t want to have rules. I didn’t want to have to restrict myself from the pleasures of the world. I liked me. I thought to be Christian meant you had to become Ned Flanders. You had to give everything up, everything that made you, you. Ask yourself which is easier, obedience or doing whatever you want/desire? Obedience is hard, and the opposite of fun and easy.
This post is not an in depth journey about my path to Christianity, but is a call to seek answers. So, I will not go into every detail at this point, but here are some highlights:
The more I questioned the existence of God, the closer I became with God, whether I knew it or not.
I was happier and saw beauty in more things. I pushed hate out of my heart. The more I questioned God’s existence, the easier it was for me to see the weaknesses in atheistic arguments. I was able to see atheism for what it was… a cry for help in some cases, and a blatant refusal to continue seeking answers.
Once I started having a smidgen of belief, or let’s say an openness to belief, God then started to set things in motion. He started working in my life and was doing things that looking back now were so clearly him. I took a journey to find out the truth behind me. The ‘why’ am I here, truth.
I went from a self-centered, suicidal, empty, pleasure monger; to a FULL, less self-centered, not suicidal person who finds joy in most aspects of life. I feel like my life did not begin until I started to follow Jesus Christ. So yeah, he is a super star, hahaha.
What is the point of this post?
Am I telling non-believers some great argument proving the existence of God, in the hopes that I save them from an eternity of regret? No.
Am I trying to change your mind about the hypocrisy of Christians? The hope in Christ, and how He healed me after saving me? No.
I am not an evangelist, but I did promise to be honest in all of my post, and so, honesty is what you will get. What I am saying is that I know that most atheist/agnostics/non-believers out there are still searching for answers. I know people who claim to be spiritual, but don’t believe in God. How is that possible or logical? I know people that hang their entire belief system on evolution as the absolute fact that proves God doesn’t exist. I know people that believe in astrology… huh? What does matter, aka the planets and stars have to do with predicting your behavior or mood? I know people that don’t seek answers at all, which really disturbs me for some reason. I mean seriously, have you never thought about how you got here, or where you go when you die? It blows me away, but there are people that don’t care to the point that they never wonder about it.
Having been an atheist, and spending a lot of energy trying to disprove God’s existence, I can say; I don’t believe there is one atheist/agnostic/non-believer that truly thinks they know what happens when they die. The same can be said for some Christians.
Then what do both Atheists and Christians get wrong?
They stop seeking answers. They think they are done on their journey of truth. The race starts at birth and ends at death. That race is called life, and life is your journey to truth.
Then what is a person to do?
I wrote this to urge, encourage, and support you in any way to continue to seek answers. Do not stop, and this includes Christians. If you are an atheist, don’t take your taking points from the internet… read the bible yourself. If you’re a Christian don’t settle into a vague understanding of God and the Scriptures, study them intensely. Ask yourself the hard questions, and find answers on your own. A Christians journey can never end, because that would mean they have answered every question, and know all things… which cannot happen. Their will always be a seemingly concrete argument from either side, and it is up to you to discover what is true.
How do we have morals? Are they really learned, or are we born with the understanding?
Does science have an answer to the origin of life? Click Here!
Does Christianity have an answer to the origin of life? Click here! or Click Here for the abundance of creationist scientist
What evidence is there of macro-evolution?
Don’t all religions point to the same god?
Did Jesus really exist?
If God doesn’t exist, what happens when we die?
How did everything come from nothing?
If God exists why does he let bad things happen to good people?
The lists on all sides goes on and on. These are answers that people need to seek for themselves. The journey of finding your truth is not one that involves you believing what others say without doing your own research. Do you really know what science says about evolution, or are you reading it from a book? What makes a science book more correct than the bible? What is more real, spiritual or physical? Can we even answer that until death?
The point that I am not concisely getting to, is that seeking the truth is an important journey and needs your attention. To rely on others for your beliefs is dangerous.
I don’t know the answers for certain. I do believe in God with all of my heart. I do believe that Jesus is the way to God, with all of my heart and mind. I have pushed back hard on Christianity, and now on atheism and only one of the two belief systems brought me out of darkness. Only one of the belief systems can I feel physically affect my body and mentally affect my emotions. Only one let me have peace. Only one answered ALL of my questions in a logical and definitive way. You do not have to agree with me… this is what I believe.