Everyone has that one friend where they ask themselves; “Why am I even friends with them??” You might even wonder if you hate them or like them. Then you might spend the next 3 minutes wracking your brain on how liking someone and hating someone can be separated by a single blurred line.
Without revealing the grand conclusion, and it is quite grand, maybe we like/hate that one friend because they have a characteristic that we wish we had. Maybe it’s our friends sense of freedom? Maybe it is their keen ability at brutal honesty? Maybe it’s their ability to be completely oblivious-to-all-social-norms-and-ignore-the-associated-gawking-stares-from-uppity-haters-of-freaks-nous? Only you know the answer.
The worst friend I ever had…
I’ll give you a quick, true account about a terrible friend of mine, and what I ultimately did with him. I hope that this post can save you some cash from certain coping mechanisms, like blood pressure meds and booze.
My friend, we’ll call him “X” for now, was a total douche bag. X had no problem calling it “as he saw it” (I wish i could do air quotes and type at the same time…) . X liked to call me fat whenever he had the chance. I know, I’m a dude and I am not supposed to care about stuff like that, but come on, I’m human.
“Man! I cannot believe you ate that entire plate! Your pudgy little belly is screaming for a salad.” X said while letting a horse laugh out, echoing throughout.
Harder-Har-har…. Right? Hilarious!
The kicker? X looked the same as I did!
What a _______________!
X used to get very drunk, and be “that guy”. You knew when he was drunk when his alcohol induced, over inflated ego would announce his arrival with verbal assaults, all in the guise of “I’m just being honest.”
X deserved to have his teeth knocked out a few times, but no one wanted to stoop to his level. What a lucky fella.
X spouted off from the mouth about things he didn’t understand, all of the time. He was an expert in everything. He’d tell me I was wrong; no matter how right I was. Hey, even a blind squirrel can find a nut every once in a while!
X verbally crushed any dreams I had, which I eventually stop telling him about, and sadly stopped pursuing.
X lied to me all of the time. It might have been his favorite past time. I believed the majority of his lies too. Why? Because he was my friend… yeah, I don’t seem very smart in this story. Hindsight is always 20/20.
I’m fairly certain that X hated me, but for some reason he had to ALWAYS be around me.
That reason was… because…
X was me.
(What a GRAND reveal, right? You know I gotcha.)
I have been the worst friend I will ever have.
I have been crueler to myself than anyone else has ever been to me.
I’ve told myself so many lies and believed them all too easily.
I’ve crushed my own dreams and devalued my self-worth.
What are you supposed to do when a friend is toxic?
- Option 1: Dump them, and have fun doing it!
- Option 2: Have an honest discussion with them, and set hard boundaries.
- Option 3: Continue the friendship and slowly hate them more and more.
Since X was me, option 1 and option 3 were not going to work. So, option 2 it was.
I won’t lie to you, and say having an honest talk with X made everything better. He still crossed my boundaries and still relapsed into bad habits.
I then realized option 2 was not a onetime deal, but an ongoing discussion. A continual tongue lashing of pain-laced honesty. I had to be a friend to X, and friendship takes love, and love takes work! Continual work.
To this day, X is not a perfect friend. But he is a million times better than he used to be. X is a loving friend now, and I thank him for that… rather than hating him for his horrible treatment of me.
Learn from my mistakes. (Please)
Do not kill your dreams. Don’t hate your body. Don’t lie to yourself.
Do love and treat yourself better than the world does. If you do, you will notice how easy it is to love others, just as you (learned) now love yourself.
Who’s your worst friend?