Fear of Faith
“Ironically, I wrote this before a post that related to my faith and beliefs. While the conversations that followed last Friday’s post were very productive, and mostly positive, it still did not help my abundance of fear when writing about God, which is what this article is about. Let’s get to it!” ~JBL
The one subject I write about the most is God, and my faith. Yet, I rarely write about that subject on my blog. I find this strange and even alarming at times. When I ask myself why I don’t write about God, the answer comes in a throw up bomb of thoughts and emotions. It comes so fast, and is so loud, I have yet to discern one measly answer.
I still do not have that answer, but I am hoping that if I start writing about it, then the answers will come.
“If you blog it, they will come.” A quote from Yield to Dreams, a motion picture about an idiot with a keyboard. (Great, I’m already procrastinating.)
So…. Nope, no answers…
Mad pacing around tiny room… check.
Start randomly singing about what I am doing… check. (You want to hear the song, don’t you?)
Pick phone up to check Facebook, shake head, put phone back down… check.
Pray about it… check… and now, I am ready to write.
My reason is:
Fear! I am afraid to write about God because of fear. Fear of persecution. For the last 2,000 years, Christians have been and will continue to be persecuted, just as Jesus predicted and taught. Though I think he was referring to direr persecution, but maybe he did mean more than the deadly kind.
Seriously though, let’s all just be really honest right now, and think about how uncool being a Christian is…
… are you thinking or reading?….
I am not sure what just flashed in your mind, but for me it started with all stereotypes, and things you’re not allowed to do… all negative personifications of what society has deemed as “being Christian”. I am a Christian and still I am trained to think of “being a Christian” as something to… almost… (dare I say it?)… be ashamed of being.
Wow… society as a whole, teaches the world that being Christian is something to be ashamed of, and that rings truer each day. That is also why so many Christians hide their faith. Those few that openly and loudly proclaim their faith are heralded as awesome Christian leaders within their Christian communities, but they’re demonized and/or segregated from the community.
“Oh great! Another scripture post from bible-thumping Sarah… funny how she wasn’t quoting scripture when we got drunk every night in college.” Sarah just got de-friended on Facebook.
A few people have convinced society that all beliefs are okay, but certain beliefs should be kept in your head. Those same people are hypocrites. Telling me to keep my beliefs to myself… is you telling me your belief, ah… which if I am not mistaken…. Is you not keeping your beliefs to yourself.
This Meme is a perfect example…
Is that the only reason I shy away from my favorite subject? No and yes.
The second aspect to my answer to the original question falls under the same umbrella of fear.
I am afraid of what you all think of me. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. Part of me wants to say, “Not everyone is going to love what you have to say, so it’s okay if one of the post’s views is pathetically dismal.” The other part of me says, “Dang… that hurts… I tried really hard to write something honest, that people could relate to, and instead, I suck. Maybe I should quit.”
Why do I think talking about my faith in Jesus Christ is a readers/friends/strangers losing topic to write about?
- Mainly, it’s my own assumptions made from social media, which definitely makes a, “you know what out of me”. Out of the select 500+/- FB friends I have, I’d say 5-10% of them express occasional evidence of a faith in God. I’d have to estimate that approximately 1-2% of my FB friends constantly show evidence (posts/shares/articles/comments) of their faith in God. So, logically speaking, approximately 90% of my friends, aka potential readers, are either too afraid to proclaim their faith, or don’t believe in a God, or some other self-justified reason. If that is the case, then why on earth would I alienate 90% of my potential readers?
- Because it’s you being honest!
- Maybe 90% of your FB friends need to read stuff like this!
- Because if you truly believed Jesus’ teachings, and you truly loved others, then you would be expressing that love through talking about your faith.
- Secondly, I am afraid you all will read stories of my past, women, drugs, fights, cussing, and much more, and then think I am a hypocrite. This is where a lot of Christians get it wrong, and in turn cause people to think we are all a bunch of judgmental hypocrites. Christians (not all) tend to mask parts of their past, or part of their current struggles, pretending like their life or past is better than it was. We are supposed to be changed people, with a new life, a better life, a less sinful life. Yes, that is true, but we are freaking idiots if we try to hide our VERY NORMAL STRUGGLES from outsiders. We are not perfect, in fact we are soooooooo far from it, which is the whole point of needing Jesus the rescuer. Why once saved, do we then act like everything is all perfect and well in our lives? People see through that crap and have a right to think some of the things they think about Christians. Be real! Be honest!
- I did horrible things in my past, and nothing filled a void in me that Jesus has filled.
- I still do horrible things at times, but now I don’t let them destroy me as Jesus props me up and helps me not to continue down a path of horrible actions.
- It’s not that we stop sinning, it’s that we recognize it, and try to stop which we continually fail at… which brings me to: THANK GOD FOR JESUS, otherwise I would be screwed!
I am pretty sure by now, I have given you an honest look into why I haven’t written about God, so I’ll wrap this up.
I do not know if this post will be the opening of the floodgates, because of the reason I just gave, fear. You see, I am Christian, I know to hide my beliefs is dishonest and wrong and I WANT to do right, but I still make mistakes. I cannot change overnight just because I recognize the problem and know the solution… life is too hard, broken, and complicated for that simplification. What I have done is open up in the hopes that my confidence in writing about the topic of God will grow stronger. I’ve tried. I will try again.
I really appreciate those of you that read this, but unfortunately I wrote this mainly for the ones who won’t. I love you all!