Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?
Where is a decent candidate for president?
Where the heck have I been??
So…. Yeah…. 29 days after my last post….
I know… I should have called.
I know, I know…I should have text, or private messaged. Maybe I should have sent a letter or wafted some good ole smoke signals. I am really sorry! It’s me, it’s not you. Can we still be friends?????????
Okay, I am honestly stalling. Telling you why I have been absent from posting tantalizing, often “TMI” stories about the world as I see it, gives me anxiety.
The reasons for stalling are fairly boring, but mainly because I feel like a major jerk. I disappeared without word. Literally, not one word. Last time I checked, blogs had words. See? Stalling again.
My last series on “Mistakes I Made in My First Marriage” was a success, according to the numbers and the arbitrary number in my head that qualifies a post as successful. I felt ridiculously vulnerable, and in full disclosure, I was scared Sh*tless to reveal that much about myself.
THEN… drama happened. I thought I would handle it better. I thought I would be stronger in enduring unflattering opinions and words flung my way like a burning medieval mystery ball shot from a catapult, but I was not. If they were from a stranger, I would have brushed my shoulder off (totally just sung that song in my head, and bounced in my chair). The words came from a friend. Originally, this person was my friend but eventually became friends with my ex-wife. Well… the rumors are true. Some friends pick sides in a divorce, and this “friend” picked the other side… which in itself hurt. In my head, anyone that knew the whole story would denounce my ex and help me pick up the pieces. Life is not played out in my head unfortunately.
When my old friend attacked my series, it hurt. I put a lot of effort and heart into writing as objectively about MY MISTAKES. I did not want to attack someone who could not respond. That would have been classless, and maybe just writing about it at all was classless. I don’t know. Basically, I childishly got my feelings hurt, and wanted, needed, absolutely had to have a break from the blog. I put my time, energy, heart, and thought into providing material that may help someone. Anyone. At least that is my hope.
Reason 1, was why the stoppage started. How can a stop start? I don’t know either.
As much as I wanted to be bitter about Reason 1, I was not. I understand that my old friend was just doing what she thought was the right thing, and that’s sticking up for her friend. I can respect that, no matter how I felt initially.
I realized that the real reason I had stopped was entirely different and more understandable.
I was burned out. Simple as that.
I work 12-14 hour days, and usually spend 4-6 hours of it in a car. My family time with my gorgeous wife, and angelic baby girl was my top priority (besides God, but that would be a lie because I constantly fail at making Him my top priority. Follow Jesus, not me!). These circumstances left plenty of time to write as long as I didn’t sleep. I was pulling an all-nighter once a week for the blog. I know it might seem stupid to you, but when you love creating, expressing, and artistry; you have to follow that passion at all costs. Unfortunately, my true passion is writing fiction, not this blog. So, my burn out lasted until two weeks ago, which leads us to the last reason.
My car was broken into, and my laptop was stolen and a few other things. No big deal, laptops are cheap, right? Sure. That particular laptop had 11 unpublished blog posts that were not backed up anywhere. I had my book backed up in four locations, but not my blog posts. Reason 3 killed my spirit, my drive, and my enthusiasm for my blog. That was a lot of hard work and sleepless nights, but hopefully the robber enjoys them! I also hope that he publishes my book, and makes millions. Then I will sue him for all of the money he made, because my time stamped original copies are on a backup drive. BOOM BABY! A guy can dream, right?
Why I am back:
I missed parts of it. Nothing feels better than getting a personal message from somebody you helped. So, as selfish as it is, I am back writing because I like helping others.
P.S.- Oh! I forgot the other reason I am back. WHEN I finish this book, I hope that a few of you might want to read it. Yes, I am a selfish capitalist!
I’m Joshua Lemon, running for “The Least Interesting Man in the World”, and I approve this message.