Boys, Boys, Boys (Letters to My Daughter) #atozchallenge

 

Boys Boys Boys (Letters to My Daughter)

 

Dearest Winslow,

I love you, just in case you forgot.

Boys….. Where do I start? As much as I want to throw dad-isms at you like, “You’re not dating until your 30!”, or call ALL boys stupid and after only one thing, I won’t. Well, maybe the stupid boy part a little. The main thing I want you to know about boys, and love, is that you need to guard your heart.

Your mom and I both went through our fair share of pain and turbulent relationships before finding each other. We’ve both made many mistakes and most, if not all, could have been prevented if we guarded our hearts.

The hardest thing for a teenager to understand is that infatuation doesn’t equal love. I’ve seen so many girls (and boys) throw the “L” word ­­– as I used to call it—around like it was the only word to use in a relationship. It’s not. Here is the thing about young love. You haven’t lived long enough to know what you want in a partner. You haven’t met enough people to know who attracts you most. You haven’t developed your ideas on faith, finances, marriage expectations, gender role identities, or any other factor that goes into finding your forever guy.

I will hate it, but I do expect you to date (16 or older, God willing). But there are some things you need to know about dating at that age.

The majority, even the nice little Christian boys, want to have sex. It’s a battle within a boy’s heart and his body, and the body wins more often than not. Some boys are worse than others. Some will lie their butts off, tell you they love you, that they have never loved someone so much in their life… just to get in your pants. Boys will sell you on all kinds of ideas if you let them. In fact, I’d argue that teenage boys are some of the best sales people in the world. They are persistent in their pursuit of the prize at the end of the race. That trophy is usually sex. Then most young relationships quickly deteriorate after sex. Kids that young are not ready for sex, and do not use it for what God intended. It’s supposed to be with your spouse and only your spouse, so that you two can have a connection so close, so intimate, and like nothing you have every experienced before. It’s supposed to be yours and yours alone, and not to be shared with others.

Think of pre-marital relationships as stealing pieces of your heart, and the future intimacy with your husband. Say your heart is a glass of water, and it’s filled to the brim. Every time you say I love you to some boy, but then you break up… some of that water is poured out. Every time you take or let things go too far physically, large amounts are poured out. A lot of people enter into marriage with no water left. No specialness exists in their marriage compared to any other past relationship they’ve had. Worse yet, some enter their marriage with their glass having been broken, unable to hold water. That glass of water, your heart, is the most important thing to protect in order to have complete and utter joy with your future husband.

I don’t want you to make the mistakes that your mom or I – mainly I– made. If I could take back most of my decisions with women before meeting your mom, I would.

I wish more than anything in the world that your mother was the only woman I had kissed, held hands with, touched cheek to cheek with, danced with, held, told I love you to, and been intimate with.

I know you don’t want to hear that, but you need to know how badly I wish all my moments with her were ours and not shared with some people from my past that are now strangers. She is the only woman for me, the perfect partner that God gave me, and I unfairly let others take her place for short amounts of time. Your mother deserved all of me, not a used version of me.

Does any of this make sense?

As much as I meant to write this about boys, and how hard they will work at getting the trophy, or how they will probably break your heart, I need to tell you about girls too.

Teenage girls can be just as stupid as boys. I definitely dated a few crazy girls. My point on this will be simple. Do not ever let a boy become the most important thing in your life. God is. Then your family is and it should stay that way until you get married. Obsessed girls do crazy things. They push their personal morality boundaries further than they know they should. They lose friends of boys, even though friends will be around longer. They do not understand when a boy is done with them, and that a break up is final. Girls can obsessively call boys and text them a billion times, or whatever weird technology method of communicating exists for you. You need to hold yourself in higher regard than what a boy thinks about you.

I will always protect your heart as much as possible, whether you like it or not. You will not have a boyfriend that you break up with and get back together multiple times. When you’re young, no boy is worth going back to like that, because it shows you are not compatible in some way, shape, or form. You will introduce me to all the boys you date. You will have very clear rules to follow. As I said in your first letter, these will be meant to protect you because I love you so much.

God has already picked out your husband. He was picked out before you were born. There is a path to him, and that path doesn’t have to be broken. There is so much more to life when you’re young than boys.

There are a rare few good ones, that are worth spending time with and will help you understand relationships a little more. “Practice” if you will. I won’t stop you from experiencing that, but I know what the bad ones look like and act like. I was one of them.

I guess there is no point in rambling on too much about this subject, because it will be one that you and I discuss all throughout your life, frequently.

One last thing… no matter what society says or thinks, chivalry does not have to be dead. It’s a sign of respect for women. When a guy opens doors for you, pulls your chair out for you, respects your relationship speed, and respects your parents’ wishes, that is a great thing. He honors God, he honors you, he honors his own parents, and he honors himself.

You deserved to be treated like the prize your mother and I know you to be. You are the only you there is, and that means you are extremely special to us, God, and your future husband. Don’t let yourself become just another girl to some guy.

 

I love you so much. I want so badly for your heart to experience the most joy possible, so remember to guard it.

 

I love you Win-win,

Dad

Advertisements

34 thoughts on “Boys, Boys, Boys (Letters to My Daughter) #atozchallenge

  1. So beautiful and meaningful. I am so happy to read this post. I have been a daughter and I only wish my dad let me know how he felt the same way when I had been through all of that.

    Like

  2. Like Liz above I’m ambivalent about some of your message but that comes from different philosophical and religious viewpoints. I don’t think love is a finite thing…how else would we welcome more than one child or grandchild? Or another husband if we’re widowed. I think infatuations are part of growing up, learning about who we are and who we truly like and respect. I’ve been married 46 years and first met my husband at uni…he’s never been a door opener (he says he can never get there first) but he is my biggest supporter and values me in all sorts of ways.

    I do entirely agree that young women, and men, need to value themselves and their friends who will be there, as one boy infatuation after the other passes. And bandying the L word around does undervalue it..for me actions speak louder than words.

    Having brought up three daughters there’s been lots of time to think about this 🙂

    Sounds like you’re on the right path of showing your daughter what kind of man she will want/need in her realtionships…one like you.

    Sorry for rabbiting on.

    @cassmob from
    Family History Across The Seas

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I completely understand, and agree that different philosophical and religious backgrounds can sway our opinions and parenting styles. I completely respect your opinion and comment. I am starting to think that I did a poor job of relaying my point, because I was not trying to say that love should be limited. I was more referring to sexual activity before marriage. Yet, not knowing how old my daughter would be when reading, meant that I tried to word things less with blunt force and with more tact. Either way, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. Thanks!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Perfect letter. Truthful, honest, and to the point. If I had a daughter I’d make her read this. But I have 2 sons so I’ll do my best to raise two gentlemen who would make you proud to date your daughter 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you! I really appreciate your feedback. Your boys sound like they will be amazing men when they grow up, and my daughter would be lucky to find love with a man raised by a father who teaches their boys to love and respect women. Thanks for reading. I look forward to checking out your blog!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Aaah, I’m not so sure. Much as I agree with the idea that young women should be taught to value themselves, and stand up for themselves, the human heart is bottomless, there is always room for as many people as you need to love, just as there is always love to expand for another child. I had several partners, learned a lot about life and love from each one, and when I met my husband there was definitely no less love for him for having loved others. But we do need to bolster our daughter’s self-worth – surely, from this letter, she might think less of herself should she fall in love and give herself to more than one person? ~Liz http://www.lizbrownleepoet.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Liz, Thanks for your comment. I am more so referring to the sexual side of relationships, and the cheapening affect they have on the special intimacy one can have with their spouse, if they had saved themselves. I was basing it off my experiences with premarital sex. As for loving others, I think that is perfectly fine, but throwing the word around like it means less than it does it not fine. Love is way more than infatuation.
      But of course, Ahhh… you are welcome to your opinion. Thanks for the comment.

      Like

  5. Hehe

    This is a secured dad 😉

    Just like my dad is to me
    Loved the post, you are my favourite till now in all az posts ☺☺.

    Appreciate the way you are dedicating all the posts to your daughters and telling her the life lessons ❤.
    I am just loving it .

    I am an Indian daughter, so my daddy trust me more than myself and this is my strength ..

    This post is very useful and a life lesson to learn .

    Waiting to see 24 more posts.

    @dixita011 from
    Cafenined words

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You are too kind! I do not look forward to future conversations with my daughter about the “birds and the bees”, so to speak. But it’s my duty to speak truth to her so that she has the chance to not make the same mistakes I have made.
      I’m humbled to be your favorite so far. I’ve got to say that your “B” post was so intriguing. It made me want to curl up for days and just read about anything and everything. Your love for books is stronger than anyone I have ever met, or even heard of. Your knowledge has to be vast and ever growing.
      You father sounds like an amazing man. You are a very lucky daughter! Thank you so much for reading, I really do appreciate it.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s